Random acts of what!?

Today while shopping at a local store their were some teenagers outside. i sat in my car thinking "oh great. now they are going to try to sell me something. this is awful". i get out of my car, head into the store prepared to say "No thanks. Have a nice day" before even listening to the poor person... they say "Would you like a free bottle of water?" i think then say "No thanks." and walk in.  I get what i need and head out. They ask again "would you like a free bottle of water" then i say "no, thanks." go back to my car. I had to go BACK IN again! shit. i didnt want to deal with this water business anymore. I go back in and they say "Would you like..." I say "What is this for, really?" and they respond " Its random acts of kindness day." simple as that.  Wow, I am such a cynical asshole! i couldn't accept a bottle of water because i didnt want string attached. why didnt i just ask in the first place instead of being a jerk? Oh and then the last time i came out of the store they offered me an umbrella escort to my car since it was raining. 

I fully believe in random acts of kindness. I do a lot of nice things for a lot of people and never thing about repayment or what they could do for me, but when someone offers it to me i lower my eyebrows in suspicion. I think i need to learn to be a little nicer.

the mommy Olympics

The mommy Olympics is something you participate in when you have children, like it or not. Everyone compares your kid to their kid in every way. If they aren't bilingual by 6 months, they are delayed. ok, thats an exaggeration but the mommy olympics are a real thing. We pin our kids against their "peers" to see who does what the best/fastest. It happens in groups of friends, between family members, on the play ground and im sure at school. and yet we teach our kids to "ALWAYS BE YOURSELF'. This makes no sense to me. Why do we even give a shit what another kid is doing? why aren't we focusing on our own kids making sure they have the self esteem and support to be an individual and love themselves? I always promised myself when my oldest was born that she was going to get to be WHO EVER she wanted. gay, straight, bi, trans, fat, thin, religious, weird, whatever, and i would love her just the same. Im so afraid for parents that didnt make this promise. we shouldn't compare our babies. we should let them shine and be their biggest fan, always.

Shampooing your hair and other things you took for granted.

Being a stay at home mom seems like a tremendous idea. "Ill get to stay home with my baby! Ill see them grow and learn! Ill cook and clean and have time for me! whats not to be excited about?"

first off. HA.HA! what gives anyone the impression that being home with children is easy? if i'm not wiping an ass, im breaking up a fight. I find a few spare moments to facebook from my iphone but mostly, my house is in a constant state of disaster (its like cleaning up in the middle of a tornado. completely pointless). and god forbid i attempt to use the bathroom!! no no, that cannot happen!!! Showers are a thing of the past. sometimes i *gasp* combine bedtime stories so i can take a shower before i pass out face down in my bed for a few hours before i get a sippy cup thrown in my face and "TIPPY!!!!!!!!" yelled in my face.

I'm making a pledge. I'm making a pledge to myself and to those around me. I will make time for me. These kids have had me for 3 years. I want me back. The words have been spoken, now its time for action.

Time to turn off the fake face

We all have one. We all have that personality we strap on when meeting new people or seeing old friends. We naturally want everyone to like us and think we have vastly improved or are somewhat better than what they expected.

Why the FUCK is it so hard to be yourself? Why can't we just say "Hi, I'm a kind and generous person but i have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit so don't piss me off." Then if they DO piss you off, TELL THEM! Don't sit and stir and try to smooth it over, You can't fix feeling hurt by someone else on your own. You want the person to know why you are upset, so tell them!! put it out there!!! If we all did this we would change the standard of what it is be a mommy! We shouldn't be used as doormats because we have kids. We deserve the same respect as everyone else.

Hoarders and toddlers are the same.

Its true, they are. My kids could not play with a toy and literally not give a shit about it for months or YEARS but if one sees the other touch it or sees me attempt to throw it away they have a desperate meltdown in attempt to keep their treasure. Why?! Do you want my house to be in a constant state of clutter and embarrassment? Do you think that broken buzz lightyear is going to come back to life, repair his smashed arm and save the universe? No. neither of those things are going to happen.

How do people keep their homes looking like adults live in them? Am I the only one lost amongst a sea of Cars and Littlest Pet shops? Will I regain my kingdom and once again reign supreme?? 

Am I raising brats?

I love my kids to pieces but days like this make me really wonder what my life is going to be like for the next 16 years or so.

Why can't they get along? Why can't they fulfill my unrealistic ideas i had when i was pregnant with the oldest? I had dreams of a TV free living room, a beautiful clutter free home, family photos on the walls where we are all smiling... instead, there isn't a moment in my day when i dont slightly depend on the tv to assist in distracting one of my kids, my house, LOL! lets not get into that one, family photos? do we count the ones i take with my webcam where everyone except me is topless? no? dang. SOL on that one too!

I realize life isn't perfect with kids, i never wanted it to be. Can i have a day without tylenol? Can I have fancy art instead of marker master pieces on my walls? *sigh*

Thankfully, I'm not alone. There are other parents out there feeling as stranded as I am. Someday i will treat them all to jager bombs and karaoke.


Will they ever share? Will I eventually retire my saying "Don't hit your sister again!!"? Will I ever not suffer with massive foot pain from stepping on a littlest pet shop in the middle of the night? There has to be hope out there, right?

Someone give me a striped shirt.

I feel like a referee.

It seems at this stage in toddler-hood my children have no interest in being friendly with each other. in fact, the only time they "communicate" is when they are grabbing shit from each other, fighting over whatever piece of shit toy neither of them give a flying fuck about or are shoving each other in an effort to get a step ahead of the other one.

I swear right now i say "STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER"  and "I SWEAR TO GOD THE NEXT PERSON WHO WHINES IS...." more often than anything else.

Im willing to admit that sometimes i want to run away. who wouldn't? these 2 people i love more than anything in this world seem to hate each other with a fiery passion. the term "fight like cats and dogs" should be replaced with "fight like J and L."